Or at least, it's a beginning for me. Not quite for some of you, because I'm just a dirty procrastinator. :P
It took me a while to start this, not necessarily because I was hesitant or unenthused about blogging, but because I was still in the "goodbye" phase. I'm still running around moving things out and attending graduation ceremonies and listening to yet another speech about the same thing. So it took me a while to truly be in the mood to start something new. To say "Hello" for the first time in what seems like too long.
Let me tell you . . . endings truly suck.
As an ex-freshman, I was one of the few idiotic people who decided to stay past the move-out date and stay in my dorm all the way up until May 12th, since that was the first day I could move into my new apartment. It was kind of strange, listening to all of the hugs and promises of keeping in contact as I stood back, watching the rooms in my halls slowly empty and become quiet. I remember walking in the parking lot the day after the official move-out date, and there not being a single car. Except for one. When I was coming back from dinner, there was a single truck parked in the lot between O-house and Creswell. Both doors were open so that the radio could spill out the ambivalent guitar chords of a slow rock ballad. Sitting on top of the hood was a boy I didn't recognize, eating takeout Chinese food all by himself.
The sight of that boy was kind of like the unwanted personification of my feelings at that current time and place. Nostalgic. Left behind. Waiting for things to start up again but not quite ready to let go.
And watching him made me wonder, why do we always rush towards beginnings so much? If one thinks about it quite objectively, speeding towards a beginning hastens another round of goodbyes and getting on planes or cars to return back to "normal." That's the cyclical nature of life, after all. Not to mention that beginnings can sometimes be just as hard as endings. They can be awkward, slowly fumbling for some sort of purchase in a new style of life. They can bring homesickness and nostalgia just as easily as the endings.
But then again, that sort of mindset is exactly the reason why I'm still lingering in Georgia while all the rest of the EPs are soaring to new lands.
I got to hand it to you. You EPs are pretty fricking brave. You turn a blind eye to the potential endings and launch yourself into the unknown. You seek out the beginnings no matter what they might bring, craving the taste of an adrenaline rush a new country can bring. You are the kind of people who will start and restart and restart again. Constantly searching perhaps, for that thing we must all search for, but also genuinely enjoying what life is about to throw at you.
I feel like this kind of attitude is why we're all able to get over the endings and keeping moving on. Also, as I write this, I feel like endings don't have to be what their connotation always implies. "Never look back," is kind of a crumby way to handle certain kinds of endings. Rather, sometimes it might be better to embrace them, and then drag them, forcibly if needed, or kicking and screaming for amusement's sake, with you as you go to other places, always keeping the feelings of past close by to linger with. Just because we're starting anew chapter doesn't mean we can't keep a piece of the last one with us at all times. After all, sometimes those pieces can serve as vital chunks of foreshadowing in the future.
I am Katie Crow. Language geek. Music addict. Soon to be marathon runner. Member of AIESEC and your new EP Support Manager, should you ever need assistance. But most importantly, I'm a procrastinator because I hate reaching ends, which inevitably makes it harder for me to start beginnings. But I'm getting there. I can't procrastinate forever.
I'll enjoy reading y'all's blogs this summer. Enjoy the beginnings. Remember the endings. And, though you probably shouldn't learn from my example, procrastinate and make your trip as long as possible. You shouldn't use it as a tool to avoid the inevitable, like I always seem to do, but I feel as though a healthy dose of procrastination every now and then is never a bad thing.
(btw, i'm not always so serious when i write. don't worry, i'm only warming up. ^^)
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